From overwhelming anger to peace through Jesus: Paul’s Easter story
Childhood pain and a sense of abandonment in Paul’s early years led to outbursts of anger and years of drug and alcohol abuse. He finally reached out for help with his struggle with addiction and then connected with a Salvation Army church (corps). Today, Paul attends and volunteers at a Salvation Army church as well as works for the Salvos. This Easter, Paul shares his journey to transformation through faith in Jesus and finding peace, hope and purpose in life.
Paul shares:
Today I live a happy life. I know Jesus has a plan and purpose for me. I look for ways every day to be aware of others, to care for others and I have a heart for those people society easily overlooks.
I have been, and am, involved in a Salvation Army church, and I am grateful for my work managing maintenance at The Salvation Army’s Montrose Aged Care. It is a really unique facility, looking after older men with complex needs, who have nowhere else to go.
Theirs was the path I was headed down for many years.
Sense of God’s calling and purpose
Today, I see every day as an opportunity — a chance to walk with Jesus and be led by him.
My wife Lauren serves as The Salvation Army ‘Youth Secretary’ for NSW (leadership in ministry to young people) and together we pray that we can have an impact on others and our world. We look for large and small ways to live out God’s mission every day.
We both feel a strong sense of calling in our lives to be welcoming, embracing and sensitive to those who may feel hopeless, unwanted and in trouble. We both have personal stories of life challenges and transformation through Jesus.
Anger, pain and hopelessness
For many years, I couldn’t have imagined living the life I live now. I was so full of pain and anger.
When I was young, I adored being with my father, but one day he just packed up and left. I'm the eldest of four boys, and my three younger brothers kept asking, “Where’s Dad?” I had to try and fill in the gaps. Though I wanted to help them, I found it hard myself to understand what was going on.
Our father didn’t just leave us to move down the street. He chose to leave his whole life in Australia behind and return for good to his homeland in Europe.
As I struggled with my emotions and feelings, I turned to drinking and drug-taking. My anti-social behaviour escalated to the point where, I’m ashamed to say, I took part in a lot of criminal activities while hanging out with like-minded buddies.
I was hurting people because I was hurt.
Addiction to anger
I eventually couldn't get through the day without being intoxicated every hour of every day. My whole focus was about drinking and drugging. If I wasn't using [alcohol and drugs] then I was thinking about using.
In terms of anger, after my dad left, I resented men, I resented positive families, I resented those who could get through school, I resented anyone who had more than me. This was all bottled up inside and controlled me.
Anger can be an addiction in itself. It is like living with a Tasmanian devil inside, not knowing when it will come out, but when it does, it wreaks havoc.
Along the way, there were a few ‘rock bottom’ moments.
At one stage, I was homeless and living in a men’s shelter in Sydney. We had a food rescue service come and give meat and veggies to the residents. I had taken what I needed for the week. And in the shared fridge, someone had spilt something on my groceries for the week, which meant they were spoilt. This triggered me to go into a rage and I beat up the guy who had caused the mess.
The result was that I was kicked out of a homeless shelter. It was rock bottom for me and a wake-up call because I couldn’t even fit in there, with others who struggled to fit in.
Overcoming struggles with alcohol addiction, drug addiction
Eventually my spiral of addiction and self-seeking behaviour caught up with me.
Through a series of dramatic events, which made me question why I was alive at all, I was forced to look deeply at my life, at what I was trying to achieve, who I was hurting, and what I valued. At this time, I was encouraged to go through detox.
Once in detox, coming off the drug dependency, I realised I could make a real go of living a life clean. After detox, I went to rehab. I learnt new ways to cope with life.
Finding the love of a community
In my early days of recovery, I was living in a boarding house down the road from the Dulwich Hill Salvos church, and I met a couple of fine, caring people who worshipped there.
They were kind and interested in me, and, despite all my flaws and craziness, they wanted to get to know me. They really lived out the mission of the Salvos to help people find fullness of life through faith, love and community.
I was willing to be honest with them, telling them what I was struggling with and what I needed help with. They took me out for a coffee and asked if I needed food and clean clothes, but most of all they gave me a sense of belonging. Not only did they give me their time, but they also gave me unconditional love and reassurance.
Years on, I still really enjoy being a member of a church ‘family’.
I now had skills to cope and examples to follow and I surrendered to the knowledge that God loves me and wants a better life for me.
Serving God, serving others
I see Easter as a great time to reflect on faith and life.
Easter had always been something my family celebrated because of my grandfather’s influence. However, it was more seen as a holiday for the family and less about faith and Jesus. And that foundation is important.
Now that I have faith, Easter — for my wife and me — is about celebrating the life we have with Jesus and gratitude for what he has done for all of us. I would compare it to watching TV — what I had in my early years was the black and white version, but now it is like enjoying life in bright colour.
There is so much truth in the promises God gives us in the Bible. We know Jesus will never leave or forsake us; we know that he has a plan and a purpose for us; we know that he will chase after us; we know he celebrates when the lost are found. All this has been my reality in my own life.
I have also learnt through Jesus that true peace comes from knowing who you are, who you are created to be, that you are loved, and that Jesus will never leave you.
Transformation available for all
It was his love and the love of those who follow Jesus that softened me and helped me heal.
I believe that hope in Jesus is available for all. If Jesus could find me in my journey, I know he can find anyone in theirs.