Battle scars can be beautiful: Rene's Easter story
For Queensland-based Salvation Army community worker René, Easter means ‘hope and grace’ because of the love of Jesus. This Easter, René — who is also a public speaker and author of a book, Battle Scars Are Beautiful, From Victim to Victory — explains why despite a younger life marred by abuse, loss and pain, she now has peace with God, joy and great hope for the future.
She shares:
In my early years, I grew up in a carefree country town existence. I remember vividly the feeling of freedom, peace and spaciousness of living in the country, of swimming in freshwater creeks in the summer and watching the snow fall and cover the ground in the winter.
My family and I also had a few farm animals, in addition to my sisters and I having our own horses. At eight years old, I didn’t have a care in the world. As long as I had my parents, my horse Beauty, and space to roam and play, life was carefree.
But life was to change dramatically.
I was 10 when my parents divorced and my father was no longer able to reside in the family home and unable to be in my life for some time.
Storm clouds of life
My mum didn’t cope as a single mum with five children to raise. She worked multiple jobs to try and make ends meet. We moved often and she ended up in a series of troubled relationships.
Unfortunately, my mother would often leave men at home with me. Before long, my life was filled with abuse, violence and fear — for many years. Feeling shame at what was happening to me, combined with not wanting to upset my mother, I didn't tell her what was happening.
Sadly, the vivacious, outgoing, curious, happy girl I had been, faded. I became painfully shy – I had no voice and I felt worthless and invisible. As a result, I started getting terribly bullied at school, and pretty much struggled all my teenage years, always feeling like I didn't fit in anywhere.
The flow-on effects
I started self-harming, drinking and doing anything to avoid and numb my feelings, while trying to find my way in life. But I didn’t know what having a healthy, functional life meant or looked like.
There was so much shame, and the language that was spoken over me by these men were statements such as, "No one’s ever going to believe you," "You’re unlovable," "You’re disgusting," "No one cares." I had failed relationships, failed marriages. (I first got married at 22 because he was the first man that didn't beat me up) and there were a number of suicide attempts along the way.
If you need support today, please contact:
In an emergency, call 000
Lifeline — 24/7 crisis and suicide support — 13 11 14
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Belief in God and belief in self
Things really began to change when I had my daughter at age 26. I looked down at her as a newborn and I made a promise to her that she would never have the life that I had. I went on to have a second child. A beautiful son. My children mean everything to me!
When I first had my daughter, I thought, "Well, you've tried everything else René, why not church? What have you got to lose?" So I opened the phone book, found a church around the corner and went that Sunday.
With my baby girl in tow, I walked into the church and found it to be a special service that day. God’s incredible timing! There were abuse survivors talking about how they’d built happy, healthy lives. When I looked around the room, people were crying, people were applauding.
That was the moment that I thought, "Maybe I've got this all wrong, maybe it's not shameful what happened to me, maybe there is hope.”
I put my hand up in that service and went, "Yep, I want what they've all got. I don't know what that means, but I want a relationship with Jesus if that's truly how much he loves me.”
I accepted Christ into my life that day. And really, in a short period of time, I just fell in love with Jesus. I rebuilt my life based on who he said I was — that I was precious, loved and created for a purpose.
I served in that church for 17 years, went to Bible college, and I was asked to volunteer at a residential rehab for young women, which I absolutely loved. I went to university, got my counselling qualification, an Applied Social Science and Management degree, and I've worked in community services ever since.
Salvation Army service and care
I work for the Salvos now — as a Freedom Pathways Support Worker — which is just awesome.
My role there is to listen to, care for, and connect people with services and support to help them get back on their feet. It doesn't matter what they've got going on, it’s about meeting them where they are at, it’s about saying "Hey, I get it" — homelessness, trauma, addiction, I know that journey is tough, but there is hope.
I just love it. I go to work every day, grateful and energised.
Find a place to experience God’s promise of peace – celebrate Easter at your local Salvos.
It all sounds so simple when you share your story quickly. Of course, there have been bumps in the road, but life has changed so much. I am married to a beautiful man who my children call ‘Dad’, who has been part of our lives for more than 10 years, and who has encouraged me so much to share my story as an encouragement to others.
When I began to search for the ‘whys’ behind the ‘whats’, I was able to clearly identify that many of the choices I made in my life were formed on the basis of how I saw myself. I knew that if I was going to change my life, I first had to rebuild my identity. But how do you do that?
For me, I had to discover who God said I was, and why I was on this Earth in the first place. What was my purpose?
My faith in God is unapologetically the reason I believe that I am alive and fulfilled today. I had always hoped that one day my lifelong mess would become my message [of faith], and that my message — like the one I heard the day I ran into church for myself, with my newborn daughter in my arms and in desperate need of hope — would touch someone who is searching for answers.
My life today is full of faith, love, safety, peace, happiness, success, travel and career satisfaction. My children and I share and celebrate — on a daily basis — our dreams, laughter, independence, strength, hope and, most of all, our happy, healthy and thriving family.
I am so very grateful!
Easter hope and grace
Easter, for me, is a special time. It means hope and it means grace.
I remember when I first read the Old Testament in the Bible. I was so confused as I was like, "Oh my gosh, this is really intense and I'm never going to measure up to God’s standard.” And then I learned that was the whole reason that Jesus came and died on the cross — so I could meet God’s standard, without having to do anything. He did it for me, and for everyone. The amount of gratitude and overwhelming joy I felt was unbelievable. It continually overwhelms me!
For everyone reading this, I hope you have a beautiful Easter and please know, no matter how hard and dark life looks, there is hope and there is grace enough for us all. No matter how terrible the battle scars you are carrying, they, like you, are beautiful!
Reach out for practical support, read people’s transformation stories, or learn more about Easter here.